Half Deaf and 3/4 Lame - the 30's are approaching!

Next year I turn 30. It's needless to say, that I have been doing a lot of soul searching, questioning what I want out of life, and self discovery since I have been single (going on 3 years now). I am starting to resent being referred to as just a Mum, yes I love my children, they are my World, but they are the only thing in my World. Unless you count my current role as full time Domestic Manager. I have lived almost 30 years without passion. I have never had a clear path, desire or focus. I made my choices and lived with them, and that's not to say I regret the choices I have made, I just don't want to live without making other major life choices towards the things that make it worth living.

I have spent 3 years living as a hermit. I have my little World at home as a mother and domestic goddess and nothing more. I have no friends, up until recently (and it still isn't perfect) I have had a very strained relationship with my family. I have A LOT of trouble talking to people (even people I kind of know and like) I feel like an idiot when I do speak to people, I think I could be labelled a social retard. I have no hobbies, no interests (other than those based at home, like reading) and I have no goals for the future that don't include my kids or my home or something along those lines.

I have decided to find my passion. Up until yesterday I wasn't sure where to go next, I had no clue. Then I had an idea of where I might like to go. A new direction, a new focus, a new passion and something that will give me reason once my children are up and grown.

I only hope I stick with it instead of self sabotaging myself like I usually do.